Alright ladies, today, we’re going deep. We’re going to talk about why my health and fitness content tapered in quality and cut off completely, along with a lot of other content. Really the answer is simple: you can’t talk about that which you are not (or you shouldn’t at least). I wasn’t healthy, therefore I couldn’t comfortably post about health and fitness content. But let’s unpack that a little, because it wasn’t just that kind of content that stopped. It was everything.
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I’ve been struggling with wether or not I should talk about this. In fact, I started a life update post in April when I got a new laptop. I thought the new piece of frustration-free technology would mean a resurgence of my inspiration, of my drive, of my happiness. Isn’t it funny how we always say “I’ll be happy when…” when we know that kind of talk is utter nonsense? I’ve done it a million times and here I am thinking I’m a big girl who doesn’t fall for that anymore, and what’d’you know. I went and Britney Spears’d it.
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YES, being able to have a creative and educational (or helpful), outlet is massively important to me. But the last couple months have had me thinking of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The theory states that are certain needs which humans must satisfy in order to be motivated or capable of achieving higher levels in the hierarchy. At the base? Physiological needs. That’s your body, yo. Following physiological needs is safety, love and belonging, esteem, and, finally, self-actualization. And while the reality is these lines are not cut so perfectly (for example, some might value financial security [safety] over their own bodily health), the gist is basically accurate and a good tool for general awareness. (As with my psychological theories, it’s subject to flaws and biases.)
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So I made the mistake of assuming my happiness and fulfillment would come when I was able to readily satisfy my desire for self-actualization in the form of a creative outlet. What I failed to realize was that the entire rest of the pyramid was crumbling beneath me. Well, except love and belonging, because my family and friends have really shown up for me in the last year and I literally cannot express how appreciative I am for that.
I’ve neglected my pyramid, and broken my own staircase to “happiness.” I would really like to rebuild that pyramid, especially before our wedding. I don’t want to look back on such a special day and have it linked to memories of anxiety so bad I physically have a hard time breathing. (When someone with anxiety tells you they’re struggling to breath, it’s not a metaphor. I always thought it was, but no, it literally feels as though I’ve got cotton balls or something lodged in my throat).
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That means starting at the bottom. My physiological needs: a healthy diet and regular activity (intentional exercise, dog walks, leisurely swims). My body demands motion and I need to satisfy that. Next is security, I feel pretty comfortable here, but financial security is considered a part of this. Chris’ and my school debt is weighing heavily on our little family. I don’t want our wedding to cause us more pain. Making some sacrifices now will help in the long run.
And then we can get to esteem and self-actualization. I crave creative freedom. I crave scientific exploration. I crave life-long learning and education. But we’ll build the pyramid before we figure out how to check off those boxes. I skipped love and belonging again, but like I said, I’m generally pretty content with this level. We’ll probably come back to it though when it’s time for our family to grow.
I know this is really different from the norm around here, but it’s something that I really been needed to get off my chest. And in this age of monetized voyeurism on demand I feel that this is a struggle a lot of people are dealing with. So if you’re having a hard time, look at your hierarchy – the needs you truly need, not just desperately want – are they satisfied? And as always, feel free to reach out on IG, email, twitter… Whatever works best for you, if you need someone to talk to.
How are you feeling lately? Do you feel that you’ve satisfied your hierarchy? Or do you too feel like you’re trying to climb a broken staircase?
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