Happy Monday, ladies! I hope you all had a wonderful one. Chris came to visit at the last minute and we went to a fun dinner and hung out with family. It was a perfect way to celebrate our anniversary since we couldn’t spend the actual day together. Anyway, in today’s post I’m talking about a book I read in college that I mentioned in my blogging resources post. It is such a fabulous book so I thought I should share it a little more in depth!

How to Win Friends and Influence People // DALE CARNEGIE

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People is not about manipulating everyone you meet, as much as it may sound like that. I think that crazy title is just something that’s supposed to make you go, “well, now what the hell is that about?” I walked into it feeling quite doubtful I would appreciate anything within. In fact, it was first assigned to me in a business sales class. So I expected to learn how sleazy car salesmen manage to get lemons on the road.

In fact, it would make you a better salesman or woman if that was your goal. But only incidentally. What How to Win Friends really teaches is how to respond to any person in any situation in a way that makes every one happy in the end. It teaches you how to fight more instinctive actions like aggressively defending yourself, assigning blame, or alienating the person you’re talking to.

I know that my instinctive responses are not always the most appropriate, especially when I feel I’m being blamed or becoming the scapegoat in a situation. And 99% of the population is the same. We naturally think pretty highly of ourselves and don’t like it when others make themselves more grandiose, or worse, tell us we’re not as great as we think we are. But the reality, we do that to other people all the time without realizing it because it makes us feel good. And when we feel good we don’t always think about how the other person feels or we blame their negativity on jealousy or a bad temper. Which, could totally be the case. But it also could totally be our own fault.

What How to Win Friends teaches is how to be aware of those moments and interactions with people, and how to fight your natural tendency to please yourself with the conversation, and instead please the other person. That way, they are happy and they will make you happy. And everyone wins.

Of course, some people are just stubborn and unresponsive. And we can’t follow these principles all the time. But certainly, if you put them to use over time and consistently look back over this book you will find relationships improving and people will like you even more than they did before. More than that, they will also appreciate you, and who doesn’t love to be appreciated?

FAVORITE BITS

• Part I, Principle 2: It wasn’t until someone gave me honest and sincere appreciation that I realized how truly valuable it is. Choosing my favorite bits of this book is a challenge because it really is so valuable, but I think this is one of the utmost important. Appreciation will save relationships, from acquaintances to marriages. Plain and simple.
• Part II, Principles 1 & 5: These are, I think, incredibly valuable and still the most challenging for me. I know what I like and I’m content to sit in my bubble. And when people talk about other things they like, it can sometimes be challenging to engage in the conversation. But making an effort to become genuinely interested in what they other person is interesting in and making a concerted effort to talk to them in those terms actually works magic for communicating with others. I have to say, Chis has this one down. He would probably rock the boyfriend does my makeup challenge.
• Part III, Principle 2: Try counting how many times a day you tell someone they’re wrong. Seriously, we do it all the time. And not ever saying it, oh my gosh. It’s hard, especially if they are wrong. Carnegie really covers this topic better than I ever could. But in the case it’s an opinion, have an open mind and listen. You don’t have to think they’re right, but remember opinions by definition cannot be wrong. And in the case of a true wrong, don’t just tell them they’e wrong. Admit you may be the one confused, and ask to examine the facts and come to an end conclusion together.
• Part IV, Principle 6: Okay, this is about appreciation again, but what can I say? It’s important! This one is all about praising every little improvement. And as someone who easily finds themselves drowning in the small stuff, I can vouch for it. Maybe one post on Instagram isn’t a big deal, but for me, it takes a ton of energy and focus. Just one post. So when Chris tells me he loves how it came out, I feel amazing. It’s like being on top of the world because that little improvement was a lot for me. So pass out praise like those pamphlet people on busy streets. Give it to everyone, for every little thing. Their smile will make you happy, and your praise will make them happy. See? Everyone wins.

IS IT FOR YOU?

Uhm, yes. Always yes. I don’t care what your main goals in life are, How to Win Friends and Influence People is for you. Whether you plan to be a coal miner, a housewife, or a CEO. The core values are so much a part of every single interaction you will ever have with another human being, it would be negligent not to use these tools to make the most of those interactions.

So will you add this book to your reading list? And what other suggestions for books do you have!

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