SAVING GRACE, PART I: INSPIRING WOMEN

I was only crying a little for this photo 🙂

This is an important post to me. Several times I’ve mentioned that this blog is my way of fighting my demons and reconnecting with myself and what’s important to me. During the worst times, I looked to woman who possessed dedication and grace in the face of adversity as role models and as motivation for me to continue to progress emotionally. There were a lot of women in my personal life who helped me along, but there were also women far separate from me whom I looked up to. Looking up to figures who were larger than life, in my small town perspective, let me separate the bad and focus only on the good: the strengths of these women, who are as much a part of my imagination as they are real.

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One woman I admire is the blogger Chiara Ferragni, who I’ve spoken about before. I admire her dedication and commitment to the goals she’s set for herself. This past year she broke up with her boyfriend, whom she’d been with for many years. She mentioned it in one image on Instagram. The posts didn’t stop, she didn’t give up. It couldn’t have been easy for her after so many years, but it hardly phased the woman she projected to the world. That was something I admired, a lot. “Always carry yourself like you got best photo in america’s next top model even if your life constantly feels like you’re in the bottom two,” it’s a ridiculous quote from Lohanthony, but behind the humor lies some serious truth. I think that’s something Chiara does well. It’s easy to be jealous of a life traveling the world in gorgeous clothes with interesting people. But everyone gets homesick and everyone has hard times.

Although it was impossible for me to go on like I wasn’t affected, I did my best to keep working through. I received A’s in my classes, and the expected B in Portuguese. Learning a new language isn’t easy, even for someone at their prime. It was important to me to focus on my long term goals and not let those fall behind even though I wanted to crumble away and never leave my bed.

It’s no secret that I’m a big Audrey Hepburn fan. I have two large paintings of her in my room at home and a poster in my dorm. Despite being a wonderful actress, she, too, was a very strong woman. In her personal life, Audrey faced many hardships. She struggled to survive in Brussels in WWII, struggled through marriage and divorce, and some believe she may have also struggled with body image issues. Despite that, she is remembered as an icon of class and decorum. She was adored at her height, and she is adored still now. She also believed in helping people, she was a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF. Her legacy is an inspiration for triumph through hardship and the importance of maintaining humanity, even when placed on the pedestal of gods and goddesses. Her life, legacy and attitude inspired me to find my strength when faced with my own hardships, and she inspires me still to understand and empathize with the difficulties we all face.

Holly Golightly, the fictional character that Audrey played in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, was other woman I frequently looked to. It wasn’t uncommon for me to wonder, What would Holly do? On a few occasions I was able to get myself together and put on a little lipstick and heels, if only just for Holly. Her life was chaotic, if less than ideal by most standards, but she made the best of it. Frequently enjoying herself, even. She found the glitter in everything. Holly had many fears, but (at least in the movie) she faced them finally. She might have been fictional, but Holly’s attitude, character and style still leave an impact. She represents the struggle for independence and how it’s still possible to make the best of life when you’re a little down on luck.

Amelia Earhart cannot be excluded from this post. She was a pioneer for women in aviation. Her accomplishments were astounding. She dedicated herself to something she loved with all her heart and shared her love with others. Amelia was a charter member of the Ninety-Nines, a group dedicated to bringing together women in aviation. She dedicated herself to doing things no one had done, things no one thought a woman could do. She dreamed big and strove to achieve her dreams, no matter the hazards involved.

Despite the danger and her difference from many around her, Amelia didn’t give up and she didn’t stop being herself. It took a lot for me to not give up what I loved. I did give up, for a long time, but I knew couldn’t stay that way. I wasn’t ready to lie down and die unhappy, feeling unloved and like I wasn’t worth the air I was breathing. It took everything I had left, but I reached out for help. Imagine my surprise when there were hands there, both real and imaginary, ready to pull me back up. These women helped me wipe the dirt off and pick up the pieces, they showed me how to be me again.

This post is very personal and I’ve spent months working on it. I started it in November, I’m publishing it now, in March. Things have changed, I’ve changed. But that’s Part II. Sunday or Tuesday. It was important for me to post this even though my life has changed again because of what it meant to write it at the time. More than a few tears have been shed in the process of this posts creation. It is by no means an inclusive list of the women I admire. Just a very short list of women I encountered in my imagination and who helped me through a very dark time, and still today. Some days it’s really hard. The first few weeks of school this year showed me, very meanly, just how much progress I still have to make, but every day gets a little bit easier. Everyday, to borrow the words from one of my favorite songs by Sara Evans, I get a little bit stronger.